My pain will someday be healed

Haddie Bo Bo,I miss you.  Those words seem so little, so powerless.  They don't accurately describe the constant longing in my inner most being for you.  It's something I can't turn off, it doesn't lessen, it doesn't fade.  Since you have left us I have found that nothing is the same and I have said

New Year…New Hope?

Haddie Bo Bo, We got home yesterday from our Christmas get-away to Florida.  We had a really great time.  It didn't seem like Christmas in Florida and that was really helpful.  It wasn't constantly in my face and people weren't really doing "Christmassy" things so it wasn't as painful as it would have been at

I will hide my broken heart

Haddie Bo Bo,Merry Christmas baby girl.  I am sitting in a hotel in sunny, beautiful, Florida, trying to go to sleep.  I have the TV on and head phones in trying desperately to drown out the thoughts in my head.  When this of course fails I go get the laptop so I can write these

Out of Control

Dear Haddie Bo Bo,I have been coming to the realization over time that because of the lack of control that I have in this situation I am slowly becoming or feeling out of control. From the moment you took your last breath I lost all rights to you.  I was told that I wasn't allowed

We Saw a Beating Heart, I wish I saw your beating heart

Haddie Bo Bo,Daddy hung up the canvas pictures of you and Eloise in our bedroom.  Eloise and I were laying in my bed because we weren't feeling well.  She looked over at your picture and said, "Haddie jump out of the picture."  She then went on to pretend that you were jumping on the bed

Why don’t dreams come true?

Haddie Bo Bo,I had traveled to Chicago earlier this year for work.  I was gone for 3.5 days and your Daddy was taking care of you and your sister.  I would facetime you guys everyday a couple times a day.  Every time I called you guys were doing great.  When I came home I picked

It was my birthday today.

Haddie Bo Bo,Today I turned 32.  I have always looked forward to birthdays in the past.  I love to celebrate really anything worth celebrating.  I wasn't dreading this day like I have dreaded other days like your birthday, Thanksgiving, 6 months, etc.  So I didn't mentally prepare, or process any feelings, I just woke up.

Vomit and Word Vomit

Haddie Bo Bo,Daddy hung up the canvas pictures of you and Eloise in our bedroom.  Eloise and I were laying in my bed because we weren't feeling well.  She looked over at your picture and said, "Haddie jump out of the picture."  She then went on to pretend that you were jumping on the bed

Today Was a Great Day

Haddie Bo Bo,Today was a great day!  I set up your "Haddie Tree" at Aunt Alisa's gym.  So many people helped me from gluing, cutting, copying, and holding doors open.  It looks amazing and I am so proud.  We are set up to receive donations by check or PayPal and I posted the link on