Dear Haddie BoBo,

Today I found myself driving around running errands. I ended up in the area of my old doctor’s office. I haven’t been here since THAT day. All of a sudden something took over me and next thing I new I was on auto pilot to that office building. Even though my logical self would have told me or screamed at me STOP! TURN AROUND! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I continued. I was almost in a trance.

The closer I got I could feel my ears turning red, my heart start to race, the anxiety build in my throat. It was almost like there were hands around my neck and they were slowly applying more and more pressure. I pulled in and parked my car and stared at the door. Thankfully this is where I stopped. I went no further.


Behind these glass doors is where my world shattered. It’s where I heard those words “The police were called out to your day care today, and your daughter has passed away”. Time froze. My world stopped. All though so much has happened since THAT day good and bad a part of me is still there. In that moment. The moment where I plead with God and asked him “Why?”. The day I saw my husband crumble and cry for the very first time. The day I had to tell Eloise that her sister was gone and wasn’t coming back. The day I went home to house that you weren’t in. The day I went into your room to stare at the crib you would never sleep in again, the mattress stained from drool from the night before.

This day was the start of a new life. “New” usually means shiny, better, good forward moving change, but that doesn’t apply here.

It is strange to me how much our physical body functions can be effected by a place. That office is just a building. But yet it is so much more. The meaning I put on that building is so powerful that is alters my whole being.

This just proves how great our loss is. Haddie your loss is huge. I feel it to this day. I fight for you…daily. I love you.