There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat

"There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat You pray more than you breathe And you just wanna fall to pieces"   I heard Keith Urban's song "Break on Me" today on the radio.  Although it is not about losing a child the first 3 lines of the song had me in tears.  I feel

Your Story is being told, Lives are being Changed.

Haddie Bo Bo,   Just because your not here doesn't mean that you get away with being the "little sister".   The other day I went into Elo's room and she showed me a toy figurine that had broke.  I asked her, "What happened?" "Haddie Bo Bo climbed up the stairs, and over my gate,

We were not awarded an “easy pass”

Haddie Bo Bo,   Well when you loose a child, you don't get an "easy pass" for the rest of your life.  It would be nice wouldn't it?  After your family goes through the horrific event of loosing a child, that everything else in life should go smoothly.  It makes perfect sense to me.  

Naked Guys and Valentines.

  Haddie Bo Bo, I did some traveling for work.  Things started off well but then I had a strange experience and then everything took a turn for the worst! I'll first tell you about the weird experience.  First I don't love sleeping by myself so when I was abruptly awoken at 3:30 AM to

We missed the dance.

Haddie Bo Bo,Sometimes your face haunts me.  I stare at your face in pictures and see in your eyes how much I failed you.  You needed me for everything.  You trusted me.  I was supposed to keep you safe.  So much life in your eyes.  I look at this picture and it reminds me of

“No, she not dead.” She said with a little giggle.

Haddie Bo Bo,I was upstairs putting laundry away, shocking I know.  Eloise was in her room playing with her train set.  It got very quiet, so I went to look for Elo.  I checked her room she wasn't there.  Then I saw her in your room.  She had gotten out all the poster boards with

If I knew you would only be with us for 9 months…

Haddie Bo Bo,If I knew you'd only be with us for 9 months I would have done so many things different.  I would have picked you up every time you cried.  I would have never stopped nursing you because I felt stressed out working full time.  I would have taken pictures of every moment of

How normal the not normal is.

Haddie Bo Bo,I love you! Recently I have been on the receiving end of many's generosity and kindness. It was a later in the evening and Daddy, Elo, and I decided to take a quick Target run.  It had just been a long day at home so I still had the same pony tail hair

Today I can’t

Haddie Bo Bo,There are toys strewn about my living room.  A sink overflowing with dishes.  Food still stuck to the table from last night's dinner.  Eloise is running around, playing, singing, and laughing.  LOUD.  The house still feels empty.  Today I can't look at your pictures because they hurt to much.  Today my normal "go

I treasure how she loves you.

Haddie Bo Bo,I have been very busy this past week.  Busy and distracted.  I haven't had a lot of time to think about you.  When I am awake I am thinking about you 99% of the time.  But lately I haven't had that time to think about you, or mourn you.  I usually see


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