Haddie Bo Bo,This time next week I will have lived through your 1st birthday.  I had started planning your birthday before you had even past away.  I have a lot of anxiety when I think about your birthday.  There will be no 1 year pictures.  There will be no highly anticipated cake smash.  Your 1st

Haddie Bo Bo,Since you have died I have met several parents who have lost a child.  What's crazy about that is many of them I had known or already met them but I didn't know they had lost a child.  Funny thing is parents who have lost a child look normal on the outside.  I

Dear Haddie Bo Bo,There are so many 1st's I have to experience after you passed.  I hate each one because they remind me that life moves on and I have no choice.  This weekend we will attempt to return to church for the 1st time. There is so much about this life that I hate

Haddie Bo Bo,Last night your Mimi came over.  Of course we talked about you with smiles and tears.  Somehow I started looking at the pictures on her phone.  I came across all these pictures of you that I had never seen before.  I was so elated!  It was like Christmas.  It was almost like getting

Haddie Bo Bo,How crazy is it that I find myself looking at a website for grief support for parents who have lost infants.  How is this happening, Haddie?  Is this my reality forever? Last night was our church group's first big get together since you have passed.  The last one was for your Daddy's 30th

Dear God,Today I cry as I do everyday because my sweet daughter has been taken from me.  For whatever reason you chose not to save her so here I am having to figure this life out.  I know I haven't led the perfect life.  I have made mistakes, I have hurt people, I have done

Haddie Bo Bo,I know that you know how special your sister Eloise is.  You loved her so much and you showed her by your "Haddie kisses" aka bites, stealing her applejuice, and wanting to do anything she was doing.  I have been worried about her lately and how this is all affecting her.  She knows

Dear HaddieWe have some good friends that are amazing cooks.  I am not a great cook I do spaghetti pretty good, but that's it.  So they offered to give me teaching lessons.  So we went down and we cooked together.  They have two beautiful, loving, caring, generous, teenage girls.  They are close in age but

Dear Haddie BO BO,What do I do when I am consumed with grief for you....Sometimes I write to you.  Sometimes I watch a lot of TV to drown out my thoughts.  Sometimes I let it overcome me and I lay down and cry for along time. Today your sister wanted me to push her around

Dear Haddie,Around the time you were born many other babies in our friends and family circles were being born too.  You had lots of friends very close to your age that you played with.  Especially your buddy Crew.  Crew is about 3 weeks younger than you and you guys were the best of friends.  As