It was like Christmas

You were the happiest, smiley, baby around.  

I was thinking back on the time around your funeral and how many people came to support us.  I think at some point everyone wonders who would come and show support if a tragedy happened.  Let me first say I wish this never happened so I wouldn’t know.  But it did and now I do know how many people love and support us.  It truly amazes us how kind, generous, and selfless people have been.  

Yesterday I received a package in the mail from a friend I knew in college.  We used to have a class together and we would attempt to workout between classes.  From what I remember we ended up eating more than working out.  We did attend church together every once and awhile.  But I haven’t really seen her for 5+ years.  But when I had you I didn’t know it but she was in the same hospital having her daughter.  She sent me a scrapbook that she made with pictures of you and beautiful quotes.  She clearly spent a good amount of time doing this.  Which I know couldn’t have been easy with an 11 month old at home.  I started sobbing before I even opened the book.  Just knowing that someone cares that much about us brings such strong emotion.  Thank you friend we are so grateful for your thoughtful gift and I will treasure it.  

I am so grateful to receive cards and gifts in the mail.  It’s so nice to know that people haven’t forgotten you and what you meant to our family.  But I wish I wasn’t getting them because that would mean you would still be here.  I wish I was still working.  I wish nothing had changed.  I wish that day never happened.  I wish I would have trusted my gut on so many things and we wouldn’t be sitting here trying to live this life without you.  I feel like my life is at a stand still and I don’t want to move forward, and my world has stopped.  But no matter how I feel life moves forward whether I want it to or not.  It is so weird when I get invitations in the mail for certain things, or offers of tickets to concerts and such.  Normally I would jump at the chance to go to a concert or enjoy certain activites.  It’s just hard to plan a “happy” activity knowing your not here.  I know that sounds strange and people won’t understand that, and I probably didn’t explain it well.  It’s just hard to plan in advance a fun activity with out you.  

Well with that being said we are off to Detroit this morning to attend our annual work picnic at the Tigers game.  I am sure it will be fun.  But as always I am missing you and today my heart is aching.  

Love,

Mama