Police Pictures

Haddie, Last week I received a disc of pictures in the mail.  These pictures are from the day you died.  I have not seen this pictures.  I had put the disc in the cupboard with the intentions of giving the disc to Aunt Alisa to hold for me.  I didn't think I was going to

Did you struggle?

Haddie Bo Bo, This morning your brother woke me up.  I made him a bottle and fed him in bed while watching a Hallmark Christmas movie.  When he was done and changed his diaper and got him dressed in his Michigan gear for the big game.  Daddy was still asleep beside us.  I then decided

I feel you slipping away from me

Haddie Bo Bo, I feel it.  I feel you slipping away from me every day.  Sometimes I don't realize it.  Other moments it slaps me in the face and I am consumed with guilt, hate, and sadness.  Life does go on and sometimes I despise it for that reason.  In many ways I am still

The good moments

Haddie Bo Bo, This morning I was laying in my bed holding your brother.  He was smiling and laughing at me, warming my heart.  It was a special moment just me and him.  It was a good moment.  I look in his eyes and I see you.  I was holding his little hands and thinking

I pretend

Haddie Bo Bo, So I have been taking this anti-depressant and lately I have been feeling different.  I feel happier, more content, hardly crying ever.  I find that I think about you, almost like reflection.  In the past I would think about you and start to cry....and then sob.  I have also found that I

Be Brave-I breathe because you can’t

Haddie Bo Bo, It's been awhile since I have written.  There has been a lot going on.  One being your brother who likes to occupy both of my arms most of the day, and that makes it hard to type.  He looks so much like you.  Especially now that he flashes a huge grin.  There

(Today) I hate EVERYTHING

Haddie Bo Bo, Grief is hard.  Sometimes I just have one of those days where I HATE EVERYTHING.  There is no specific memory of you that I am holding on to today.  There isn't a certain thing I can point to that is setting me off....it's just life.  I am irritable and there isn't a

Wedded Bliss

Haddie Bo Bo, This past weekend we attended a family wedding.  As your Daddy and I were driving to the reception I was thinking about how this young couple has a whole life ahead of them.  It's such a happy and exciting time for them.  It made me think back to my wedding day and

I hate birthdays.

Haddie Bo Bo, Your birthday came and went.  I think I have mentioned this before but when I was pregnant with you all my friends were pregnant too.  So your birthday is surrounded by your friends birthday parties too.  I really wish I could see you play with them and how you would interact.  All