Haddie Bo Bo,
This morning I was laying in my bed holding your brother. He was smiling and laughing at me, warming my heart. It was a special moment just me and him. It was a good moment. I look in his eyes and I see you. I was holding his little hands and thinking about how I used to do this with you. I play a lot of the same games with him as I did with you. What will I do when he turns 10 months? When he walks? When he says “Mama”? These are things that I never got to do with you. What about when he turns 1 and we celebrate his 1st birthday? How will that feel?
Yesterday we celebrated your sister’s birthday. The gym was filled with so many friends and family that love us and support us. People that love you and remember you. It was so amazing to see all these little people running around with super capes and masks having the time of their life! This moment was good. It felt good. Great Grandma came to the birthday party and we got a picture of the great grandkids with her. It happened so fast that I forgot to include you somehow in this picture and I am sorry. Life moves so fast and sometimes I forget to include you. As I write these words I am overcome with emotions and guilt. I don’t want to live in a world that I am slowly forgetting you. I know that I will NEVER forget. But its strange how these moments happen and if you were here I would never in a million years forget to put you in the picture.
After the party your Daddy and I went out to celebrate our anniversary. We went to see the Dierks Bentley concert. It was truly a country party and I loved it. This moment was good. After the concert we were driving home and your Daddy said, “We have been married for 6 years. Elo is 4.” That’s pretty much all we said about that. I can’t say that these 6 years of marriage has been easy. We have had many many “good” moments. I can absolutely recognized the blessings we have in our lives. But these 6 years have had many sorrowful moments. But when we dedicated you at church I wrote you a letter. I read you this letter and it was full of love, full of our hopes and dreams for you, but it was also honest. Now when I read this letter its a challenge to me and as your Aunt Rachel said at your funeral it is like you are now reading it to me….
1 Peter 1:3-5
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you.”
“The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”
To our bright-eyed Hadley Sue:
Never in a million years did we think we would have a bright blue-eyed baby girl! If Mama didn’t pull you out herself we wouldn’t think you were ours. In this short time that you have blessed our family you have brought us incredible happiness. You have a sweet spirit that compliments your sister’s sassy spiciness in a way that only God could have planned.
As your parents we want to give you the world and the moon too! Although no matter how hard we work we will probably fall short on that wish for you. One thing that we can give you and will spend every day trying is a loving, God centered family. We aren’t perfect and we will make mistakes. We can promise you a life of experiences, adventures, love, laughs, and sadly sometimes tears.
We have prayed for you since before we even knew there was going to be a “you”. We will breath our last breaths praying for you. Our first prayer for you is always that you will grow up falling in love with our Savior and choosing to fearlessly follow Him. We hate the thought of you experiencing hurt, and if we could remove that from your life we would in a second.
One thing I can guarantee you is that there will be moments in life that you will hurt. You will suffer. You will ask God why. We pray that during those times you cling to the promises that God has given you. Claim them. No matter what your hurt is God’s plan is always sweeter than you could have imagined. No matter what happens in your life remember that it’s your story. God gave it to you and He wants you to tell it!
We love you sweet baby girl. You and your sister are so very special to us. Living life with you is our greatest joy.
Living life with you was our greatest joy…living life without you is truly our greatest sorrow. I try everyday to live that line, “No matter what happens in your life remember that it’s your story. God gave it to you and He wants you to tell it!”
Love you baby,