Haddie Bo Bo,

I talk about your toothy grin a lot, but really you have so many “looks”  that I miss.  One of my favorites is a look you gave when you didn’t know what something was.  For example there is a picture from your Daddy’s birthday party where I was taking a picture of the two of us with a selfie stick.  In the picture you can clearly see your face trying to figure out what the heck is this long stick thing.

One of my favorite pictures of you is when you were making a sad face.  It was taken by your Aunt Emily while I was on our cruise.  She said she had just pulled you away from the stairs and you were starting to cry.  She hoped that you seeing yourself would make you smile.  

Then you would sometimes give me this face.  I feel like this face says, “Not another selfie Mom!”  But how could I not, look how cute you are!

Then there is the face that is hard for me to think about.  The face you gave me when I came into your room the morning I got back from our cruise.  The face that said, “Mom is it really you?”  I don’t have a picture of this face but I will never forget it.  It’s burned into my memory forever.  I loved it because you were excited, shocked, looked like you needed me all in one little look.  Now I feel like I need you and I want you.

Of course there is the last time I ever saw your face, when I closed your casket.  I think back to that day and I ask myself how I did that.  How do you close the casket on your child, knowing you will never see that face again.  Many days I wonder when I see you in heaven what will you look like?Will you look like the Haddie that left us?   Or will you be grown up?   I really just can’t wait for that day to come.

Love you so much baby girl.  I wish I could kiss your perfect cheeks.