Haddie Bo Bo,

Some of my favorite times when you were alive was watching you and Eloise together.  Today Elo and I took a bike ride to the park.  When I say bike ride I mean she sat on her tricycle while I pushed it. When we got there she immediately ran over to the swings, “I wanna swing, Mama.”  As she starts to swing she says, “Higher Mama!”  She was wearing the most ridiculous outfit but I don’t care that stuff doesn’t matter.  She had on this blue polkadot tutu-like skirt and it was flapping as she swung.  “I’m flying, Mama, I’m flying with Haddie and Jesus.”  Where she gets this stuff I don’t know.  “Look at my skirt Mama it’s flying just like Haddie.”

Haddie I really do hope you are flying up there in heaven.  I hope you are having the best time with Jesus.  As precious as these moments are they are truly sad too.  I love that Elo talks about you and plays with you.  But how heartbreaking is it that she has to pretend to play with her sister?  We were the only ones at the park today until a Dad showed up with two little girls.  Elo went right over like the extrovert that she is and started playing with the older girl.  The littlest sister would follow them around and tried to do everything they did.  I’m sure you would have been doing the same, Haddie.

We went to church this past Sunday.  We have only been back one other time and it was too early I think.  The worship part of the service is the hardest for me.  I would almost describe it as torture.  My heart is not ready or able to sing songs of praise.  It was good though to be around people who love and support us.  That feeling is amazing.  

Eloise brought home her first project from preschool.  She drew our family…

I have made a filing system for Eloise and you for things like this drawing.  I have a file for each year from 0 to 18 years old.  I put special pieces of art work, doctors visits, birthday cards, anything that is memorable.    As I filed this in Elo’s year 2 file I realized that the rest of your years will be empty.

I love you baby girl….I miss your bald head.  I wish I could rub it.