Mother’s day is always a day that I have dreaded since you died, for many reasons. Of course because you aren’t here, but also because of the guilt I feel. I decided to take a cruise without you on the only Mother’s Day you were alive. It’s hard to feel like celebrating with one of my kids is not here. I am so thankful for Elo and Fitz and the short time I got to be your mother here on earth. But the truth is it’s hard to be a mother to a child that is no longer here.

So I got an unexpected Mother’s Day gift a few days early. I went to the Kids for Cribs National Safe sleep conference at the end of April. I learned so much about safe sleep and SIDS/SUIDS deaths. Unfortunately babies are still dying. Everyday in the United States 10 babies die due to unsafe sleep or SIDS/SUIDS. We have come along way but there is still so much work to do. Besides learning so much I also met several new good friends. The kind of friends that “get it”. The friends that know the road I am walking because they are walking it too. Liz is a new friend that I met and she is from Idaho. This was the first time I have ever met someone from Idaho. We connected on several levels and we have been keeping in touch.

Liz called me Thursday and I missed her call. She sent a text that said, “Call me when you can”. So after I wrestled my phone out of your brother’s hand I gave her a call. She told me how she was currently in Seattle, Washinton for training because she is on the death investigation board for her county. She was attending training with her friend and at the end of the day they were swapping notes. Her friend told her that he was in a training and they showed a video of a baby girl that died in Michigan at daycare. She was 9 months old. Liz asked her name. He said, “Haddie.”

Liz’s mind was blown. She said, “I know Haddie’s mom. I just met her.” The next day Liz attended this same training and sure enough there was a video of me, her new friend, talking about what happened to you, Haddie.

Liz goes on to tell me that the trainer is a National trainer that uses this video ALL OVER THE US to train first responders (police, fireman, etc) on death investigation scenes.

Do you know what this means????

Haddie, your story has been told in Seattle, Florida, Pittsburgh, and so many more places that I don’t even know about.

What a gift! Tears immediately started flowing. I was so proud of you in that moment. I felt so honored. But also at the exact same time I was sad. Sad that this is our story. But this is good. So good. This was all happening and has BEEN happening without me knowing. I would have NEVER known this if I didn’t attend this conference and meet Liz. I wouldn’t have met Liz if I didn’t force myself to go to the reception welcome night…ALONE. Liz came up to my table where I was standing by myself and introduced herself. This was not by chance. We were meant to met.

MY MIND WAS BLOWN. I was speechless.

So while I was missing you horribly this weekend I got this special gift and I treasure it. Liz gave my number to this trainer and we have exchanged texts. It is priceless. I am so thankful for the people who are dedicated to this cause and who share your story.

I love you forever.

Your Mama.