Selfish Mother's Day

absence

Haddie Bo Bo,

Today was hard. I woke up and you were my first thought.

This should be my first Mother’s Day without you. But it’s not. Last year your Daddy and I went on a cruise over Mother’s Day. When we originally booked the cruise I remember the lady asking me if I was ok with being away on Mother’s Day. At the time it didn’t bother me at all. “What is one Mother’s Day apart from my girls? We would have a lifetime of Mother’s Days together.” This is what I thought. Today the guilt of this decision weighed so heavy on my heart. I will never forgive myself for going on that cruise with out you. I will never forgive myself for leaving you home on Mother’s Day. Your Daddy and I had a great time on the cruise, but the good doesn’t out weigh the bad. Or even come close.

I made breakfast this morning for Elo and Daddy and cried for you. I went on a 2 mile walk and cried for you. I took a shower and cried for you. I had asked your Daddy to take Elo and go somewhere for the day. I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want Elo or your Daddy to see me cry. But they didn’t listen. We spent the day at the beach, eating pronto pups and ice cream, and letting Elo play on the playground. Elo had a good day and that’s all that matters. I didn’t look at my phone all day until just now. Dozens of friends and family sent the nicest messages today we felt loved.

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