Haddie Bo Bo,
Yesterday we woke up and made our way down stairs. We fiddled around doing little stuff around the house. I can’t remember if it was breakfast or lunch but we were sitting at the table quiet. I look up and see your daddy with tears rolling down his cheeks. This does not happen often usually I am the one that cries. I got off my chair walked over to your Daddy and we held each other as we cried.
Sometimes it’s to much Haddie. The pain is too great and we just can’t function. It was a nice morning missing you. Is it weird to say it was a nice moment to spend together? I guess it’s nice because we are so rarely on the same page when it comes to our grief.
I feel like every day we are hearing a story about devastation or tragedy and it hits us on a new level. We have both talked about how more sensitive we are too the tragedy that happens around us. The amount of these events probably haven’t changed we probably just have a new view of it since we know how it feels when it happens. It’s personal now. Life is so crazy. “Live every day like it’s your last” really has new meaning. 6/2/15 was a normal day and I think about how fast my life has changed. A 24 second phone call turned my world upside down permanently.
I was talking to your Daddy about how fun our cruise was that we went on a couple weeks before you passed. We were so happy and I find myself wanting to escape and go on a cruise again to get that same feeling. But that feeling doesn’t exist anymore. I remember having the best time and thinking about my girls at home. I missed you guys so and I loved seeing the pictures that Aunt Emily, Grandma, and Mimi would send us. I was so happy because I got to come home and see you. You and your sister were waiting for us to come home. We talked in the car today about going on another cruise and how it would be different. He said, “Nothing is quite right anymore. I miss life without this pit in my stomach.” When we got home from that cruise we had that birthday party for your Daddy and it was perfect. Looking back life really was a fairy tale.
I had a fairy tale life. Missing you baby girl.