Haddie Bo Bo,

Yesterday was 1 month since that horrid day.

I am heartbroken. I am not going to try to describe the feelings I had because there are no words that could come close to explaining the pain.

Your Aunt Rachel called early in the morning to tell us how much she loves us and misses you.  Aunt Alisa, Aunt Emily, and Grandma Jane came over for breakfast.  We talked about you, and looked at your hand/foot prints. We shed some tears, but we also had lots of smiles and laughs.

An old friend gave us a box full of fireworks for tomorrow!  It was so generous and we felt so loved.  Eloise is going to be ecstatic!  Just wish you were here to see them, Bo Bo.

Today I did my first 21 day fix work out since you have been gone.  It was hard, my legs were shaking, and I couldn’t breath.

I also showered for the first time since Monday night.  I brushed my hair for the first time since your funeral.

Last night was my first night I spent by myself without someone keeping me company.  Your Daddy was playing baseball so it was just your sister and me.  We went for a walk and she talked about you a lot.  She said, “Mama, you sad about Haddie.” I am not sure if it was a statement or a question. She also sang you “Jesus Loves Me”.  We miss you so very much.

This morning we sat on the couch and watched cartoons like we always do on Saturday mornings.  It was quiet, too quiet.  It’s not the same without you.  I still look around the living room hoping to see you crawl around the corner with something in your mouth. Something that you shouldn’t have in your mouth.

So a lot of firsts for us some good and some sad.

Love and Miss you Always,


Here are some pics your sister took from today….

Aunt Alisa teaching the art of the selfie

Perfecting the selfie

Aunt Emily…or as Eloise calls her Elle Belle